Trump's Cheat Sheet for N. Korea Summit
While Donald Trump may have “a very good brain” but he still needs a little assistance getting ready for his upcoming North Korean Summit with Kim Jong Un on June 12.
The Lint Screen has obtained a copy of the confidential “cheat sheet” for the president as he prepares for tough negotiations with the North Korean leader.
OP SECRET CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
(WH STAFF — DO NOT LEAK, LEAKERS WILL BLEED!)
- DO NOT call Kim Jong Un “Little Rocket Man”
- Yes, “Little Rocket Man” is a brilliant nickname
- Kim Jong Un is Asian, do not be alarmed
- North Korea is different from South Korea — like North Dakota, and South Dakota are different places
- South Korea GOOD, North Korea BAD!
- There is NO East Korea or West Korea
- No, we do not know why that is. It just is.
- Do not believe Kim Jong Un if he says he is a big fan of THE APPRENTICE
- N. Korea is a communist state, communists are supposed to be our enemies
- N. Korea has nuclear bombs; we do NOT want them to have nuclear bombs
- Nuclear bombs are bad in enemy hands — they go BOOM!
- DO NOT offer to give Kim Jong Un our nuclear bombs
- DO NOT negotiate for shiny buttons or magic beans
- DO NOT negotiate for Diet Cokes or juicy burgers
- Do NOT negotiate to put a Trump property in N. Korea (maybe next trip)
- YOUR GOAL is to get agreement for complete “denuclearization” by N. Korea — we’ll explain what “denuclearization” means later
- Yes, “denuclearization” is a funny word
- Do NOT mention “Libya” or “Libyan solution”… PLEASE!
- NO Tweeting at the negotiating table
- Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s hairstyle
- Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s height
- Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s poor English
- Do NOT have prostitutes urinate on the bed. There could be cameras.
- Try not to brag about the size of your inauguration crowd
- You are the BEST negotiator ever, you have made many great deals, the best deals, tremendous deals!!!
- ACT PRESIDENTIAL! YOU ARE VERY PRESIDENTIAL!!!!!!!
Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time writer, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.
Thanks for reading.