Trump’s “Conversation Starters” For Putin Meeting

In an exclusive, The Lint Screen has acquired the list of possible conversation starters President Donald J. Trump will be using for his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit.

1.  I won the election in a landslide. Huge victory. Incredible feat. No one expected it. I’m president, and they’re not.

2.  Even with my enormous victory, crooked Hillary had over three million fake votes. Even cheating, I still beat her like a drum.

3.  My inaugural crowd was massive. Biggest ever.

4.  I like Russian dressing. So good for dipping.

5.  You don’t get pestered by fake news, right? How do you shut it down?

6.  My daughter’s name is Ivanka. That’s Russian, right? Beautiful name for a beautiful woman. It's not weird to think about marrying your own daughter, right?

7.  Do you like my tie? The label has my name. Buildings all over the world have my name on them, too.

8.  Are you excited about “Game of Thrones” coming back? I am. I have a big screen TV. Huge picture. Incredible picture. I like horses. You ride horses, right?

9.  Could I get your autograph? You give me yours, I’ll give you mine. We can be pen pals.

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).