Waldo Asks, “Where’s Melania?”

Waldo Creedendamp is the world’s foremost expert on blending in and becoming invisible, and even he is curious to know the whereabouts of first lady Melania Trump.

“It’s like she’s vanished from the Earth,” Waldo told The Lint Screen as he paged through an Orvis catalog of plaid shirts.

Waldo, a hide ‘n seek champion for over thirty years, said he is “worried sick” about her. “I know all the best hiding places, and I haven’t seen her anywhere.”

Melania was last seen on May 10, four days before she allegedly received kidney surgery. Although one person reported seeing Ms. Trump last week in the White House, the sighting was suspect since the president’s third wife was supposedly using a knife to etch “Melania & Donald 4Ever” into the oval office desk (it is common knowledge that the first lady prefers guns to knives– and guns are lousy for carving into wood).

Waldo and many others are also suspicious of the recent tweet made by Melania that read, “I see the media is working overtime speculating where I am & what I’m doing. Rest assured, I’m here at the @WhiteHouse w my family, feeling great, & working hard on behalf of children & the American people!” The conspiracy crowd thinks that the voice of the tweet sounds more like the president than the first lady.

“That’s poppycock!” White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said. “In fact, I have another tweet Melania just wrote this morning. It reads, ‘I am healthy. Very healthy. Tremendously healthy & very well & thankful that I am married to the greatest leader in history. An incredible leader who acts very presidential & is the victim of the biggest WITCH HUNT ever!!! Everyone is calling it SPYGATE. Horrible! Crooked Hillary, the fake news media, and unAmerican Dems are ruining our country!! #MAGA But I, Melania Trump, am healthy & love my husband VERY VERY VERY MUCH!!! No collusion.‘” Sanders look up and glared at Waldo. “That should settle it once and for all.”

She crossed her arms and pouted dramatically.

“I don’t know,” Waldo said, shaking his head from side to side. “That tweet just doesn’t sound like Melania to me.”

“Shut up, twerp, and get lost,” Sanders shouted at him.

No one has seen Waldo since.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time writer, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).

Thanks for reading.