How to Lose a Dedicated Customer-for-Life
I hate my washing machine. No, "hate" is not too strong a word. If anything, it understates my feeling. My current washing machine is absolutely, for-frigging-sure, beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt, the worst purchase I ever made.That's saying something considering I bought MC Hammer-style harem pants in the 80s.
I thought they'd be comfortable.
I was wrong.
My family always had Maytags. I even remember our first one. It had dual wringing rollers set above the wash tub. My mother would roll it up to the kitchen sink. The machine filled from the faucet and drained into the sink. It was high-tech for its time.
My mother would push the clothes through the wringing rollers with a wooden kitchen spoon. She did so to avoid getting her fingers wrung along with the clothes.
Thirty-eight years ago, I bought my first Maytag.
Over the years, I was a Maytag-man all the way. Seventeen homes and four vacation homes were all Maytag equipped. Some 200+ condos I developed also all sported Maytags.
If anyone ever asked I would suggest Maytag. Many did.
Five years ago, I bought my last Maytag.
I thought it would be an excellent machine like all my other Maytags.
I was wrong.
I hated it from the first load of laundry. I can be a stubborn SOB. My stubbornness is one reason I haven't pitched that PoS in the trash. The second reason was the fact that it was a Maytag.
I assumed it was something I was doing wrong.
Once a company earns a devoted fan, they need to screw the pooch in a really big way to lose that fan as a customer.
This machine, a Maytag Centennial model whoGivesAFlyingCrapImDoneWithMaytags, was obviously designed by a very talented engineer.
He or she got planned obsolescence down pat.
The extended warranty expired July 9th and the machine broke down July 17th. (it has since been repaired twice)
You can't get much closer than that.
Talented indeed! Too bad that, apparently, they never did a load of laundry in their lives. Neither did whoever approved the design. If they had real-world laundry experience they may have made different choices.
Maytag: Design your product with the end user in mind
Most of you know I love automation. It frees us up from mundane repetitious tasks to focus on more important stuff.
Too much automation is a problem. Too much automation can breed complacency. Too much automation can interfere with the intended benefits.
This machine has too much automation.
The main dial isn't a dial at all. It's just a selector switch. A row of buttons would do a better job. The dial does nothing more than set the type of wash. It doesn't move. It doesn't provide any feedback as to what's going on.
Couple that with an opaque lid that locks and you are completely in the dark.
That's not the worst of it.
The rinse cycle spins at about 2 gazillion rpm. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but not by much. You gotta see this thing go to believe it. At that rate of spin, you would think there was some sort of bracing. After all, the slightest imbalance would cause havoc leading to BANG, CLANG, BOOM, SMASH, BANG, BANGs.
Nope.
For five years now, there have been very few laundry loads that did not necessitate a mad dash to the laundry room. We can't set the machine and leave. I can't accept business calls if the washer is running. I often need to schedule coding sessions to avoid wash days.
Come to think of it, laundry day is Friday. I rarely work at all on Fridays.
That's just as well. Interruptions and coding or writing don't mix.
The bloody washer bangs and shakes and takes power walks. I should probably buy it a pink track suit with lots of glitter. It gives a whole new meaning to the sentence, "The washer is running."
Mine does so literally.
It has hit the wall so hard that shelves fell. We had bleach and detergent dumped everywhere.
It has hit the wall so hard the drywall broke, twice.
If I don't get to it in time, the (expletive deleted) beast goes into anaphylactic shock. Or is it a self-induced coma? Or, maybe it's a seizure? How should I know?
I'm not a doctor.
I'm just a pissed-off consumer.
All the lights flash, everything stops. There's no way to reset the washer short of pulling the plug which I can't reach without climbing over the washer.
I end up going to the breaker box to reset the entire circuit.
Here's an ironic twist. As I'm writing about the mad dashes, I had to stop to dash to the washer.
Here's how most loads go.
1 - Select a cycle. Load the clothes. Add detergent. Press Start.
2 - The psychotic beast goes through a preliminary balance check. That means a bunch of clicks. minor bangs, buzzes, and partial spins to make sure the load is balanced. That's actually pretty smart. The label printed inside the lid warns about these strange noises. That too is a smart idea. It prevents immediate returns.
3 - The machine fills and starts its wash cycles.
4 - The machine drains and starts its spin cycles. Remember that balance check? The engineer apparently didn't consider that clothes will redistribute themselves during the wash cycles. Ooopsies.
5 - BANG, CLANG, BOOM, SMASH, BANG, BANG. Sprint to the laundry room and hit the pause button.
6 - Wait for the tub to come to a complete stop. You can't see it. Wait for the click and the indicator light that says the lid unlocked. While waiting, pick up whatever fell off the shelves, post an article, call your most blabber-mouthed friend. It takes a while to go from a gazillion rpm to 0. I guess a brake system was too much.
7 - Once unlocked, redistribute the load. Cross your fingers. Cross your eyes. Cross anything that comes in twos. Shake a rattle made of chicken bones to ward off the Laundry Demons while chanting in Creole. A voodoo headdress is optional but highly recommended.
8 - Hit the start button again and stand by.
9 - Repeat steps 6 through 8 until there are no more BANG, CLANG, BOOM, SMASH, BANG, BANGs.
This is "automatic?" I think not.
Rant Mode off.
I'm off to buy a new washing machine.
It won't be a Maytag.
Articles from Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
View blogLast Saturday was the day of "The Talk." You know, that's the talk that results from those words tha ...
I think my re-entry · into the dating world would make a good sitcom. Or maybe it would make a bette ...
Hi all, it's been a while since I've reported on the ups and downs of mid-life dating. This post is ...
Related professionals
You may be interested in these jobs
-
Document Control Specialist
Found in: beBee S2 CA - 1 week ago
Teck Resources Limited Alberta, Canada Full timeClosing Date: March 20, 2024 · Reporting to the Project Manager, the Document Control Specialist is responsible for implementing effective project information management and document control methods, procedures, and systems on all phases of the project. This role reports function ...
-
Registration Clerk, Surgical Services Endoscopy Booking
Found in: Talent CA C2 - 2 days ago
Northern Health Authority Fort St. John, Canada CASUALPosition Summary · Northern Health is looking for an experienced, highly efficient, and self-directed Casual Registration Clerk to support the Operating Room department. · Under general supervision, performs Clerical and Reception duties, Endoscopy Booking duties and assists Sur ...
-
administrative assistant
Found in: Talent CA 2 C2 - 2 days ago
MAXX CAR RENTAL Calgary, CanadaEducation: · Expérience: · Education · Secondary (high) school graduation certificate · Tasks · Arrange and co-ordinate seminars, conferences, etc. · Record and prepare minutes of meetings, seminars and conferences · Determine and establish office procedures and routines · Sche ...
Comments
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #24
You are a man of many talents Paul \! Hey we need to chat soon. I'm available later in the afternoons. I can't refresh RT's and when I go to new follows, I have blank boxes. It's my chromebook, I wonder if it would be different if I used it on my android?
Cyndi wilkins
6 years ago #23
Well, I don't know...how bad could it be?!?! We've already seen you in a bikini;-)
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #22
So Maytag didn't build that machine just to piss me off? Sorry they inflicted it on you too. Look into a rebuilt old-school one for your own sanity's sake
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #21
Well, Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher it's not so much that I owned them. I was in real estate development for 16 years. We mostly did industrial, office and retail spaces, but we also built a seniors' home and a couple of condo developments. That's where the Maytags went
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #20
I always knew you were a smart cookie, Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier. The "new" one I bought was $200 plus $50 delivery and removal of the old one. That's a little more than the original costs of the extended warranty on the piece of crap. They promised to completely annihilate the old one
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #19
Melody Green, hey, I was kidding about the sexism thing. It used to bug when I had dinner guests who would compliment my ex-wife on my cooking. Now, I just take it in stride.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #18
Thanks, Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #17
Isn't the mental image bad enough, Cyndi wilkins?
don kerr
6 years ago #16
don kerr
6 years ago #15
Cyndi wilkins
6 years ago #14
Melody Green
6 years ago #13
sorry no sexism intended - just frustration with designers of products that clearly do not use them! And maybe I had better not be impressed with your many accomplishments or again I could be accused of sexism :) Glad you've found a washing machine that does what it says. Enjoy your quieter more productive time coming!
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #12
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #11
That's exactly what I did, Charlene Norman, I bought a rebuilt GE washer. Often progress is a regression. The "new" washer will be delivered on Wednesday. They will also take away the BOME (Bane of my Existence). I'll let you know.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #10
From the son of a mathematician to the daughter of a mathematician, thanks. Unfortunately, I am well passed the point where walking around in my birthday suit would be a pleasant sight. Some people have issues with a mental image of me in harem pants. Can you imagine their reaction to that mental image.... I would not want to be responsible for a worldwide pandemic of people tearing out their eyeballs.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #9
Apologies for that mental image, Aleta Curry. I had to suffer through the real one.
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #8
LOL, I'm not so sure your comment wasn't sexist, Melody Green. I've always cooked, done my own laundry, and ironed my own shirts. (I like putting on a hot, freshly ironed one). I also changed diapers and fed babies although that was quite a while ago. I drew the line at breast feeding and childbirth which are the only two instances of "woman's work" IMHO. I confess I still open doors for women, though. A human can do anything. Specialization is for insects. I have three coffee makers. One is a simple espresso pot that goes on the stove top. Another is a regular little espresso machine. For daily use, I have a drip coffee maker with no bells or whistles. The only gadget is a timer so that I can wake up to the smell of fresh coffee
Judy Olbrych
6 years ago #7
Melody Green
6 years ago #6
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #5
How about...... NO
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #4
Sounds like a plan, Phil. Coincidence? I just bought a GE
Paul "Pablo" Croubalian
6 years ago #3
Thank for commenting, Pascal. No, the dryer is fine. LOL
Phil Friedman
6 years ago #2
Pascal Derrien
6 years ago #1