You Can Run But You Can’t Hide: How to Coach and Be Coached.
Behind every mask that we wear, lies another just waiting to be exposed.
Dan and I were sitting in his car, just finishing up lunch when we got into one of the most meaningful and productive conversations that I have ever had with a friend. We started with the usual kind of humour and kidding that good friends often have, but it just seemed different. We got to chatting about Dan’s challenges with work and personal development, and me being me, I thought that I had to coach him on what he was saying and on his direction. So, the more questions I asked him, the more specific and clear he became. His goals were making me excited as well. Just when I thought that we were wrapping up, he asked me a question that got me thinking. “With your experience in your business, why don’t you own the company that you are with?” I couldn’t answer him. I really didn’t know just what to say that would explain my motives for the position that I was in. Actually, it caught me completely unawares. My first reaction was, “Hold on there buddy, I’m usually the one who asks the questions, I don’t know if I’m ready to go there.” Right then and there, I got a real good feel for what it is like to be coached by someone who genuinely cares about you and who is interested in you and your future. To say the least, I was dumbfounded by the turn of events, and my reaction to it. But Dan just sat there and looked expectantly at me and waited for my answer. Well, that innocent question led us to an hour and a half of mutual questions and coaching. There was no power play, or cautious answers, it was just simply looking at our present realities and possibilities.
I have never had that opportunity to be coached in such a genuine way. We both had nothing to prove to each other, and we had everything to gain. We weren’t there to judge one another; we were there to support each other. So unique was the whole experience, that ever since our conversation it has had me thinking about who I am and who I could be, and let me tell you, I am ten times more excited today as I sit and write this than I was even when we talked. The awakening that I received was simply this: When we look at what we are capable of, and then look at what we have accomplished, we can become simply astounded with the possibilities that lay before us.
For as long as I have been in this business, I have enjoyed coaching the other person. It is easy for me to make it about them, it is a lot harder when it is me who is being coached to achieve. Why? Well being right or best has been a lifelong quest for me. It seems that in everything that I do, if I can’t be right, or first, or best, I don’t want to even participate, and being coached properly has brought me face to face with this reality. Good coaching brings out these areas that, while tender and not usually talked about, need to be addressed. It may be a little painful at first, but when done right, can make a believer out of a non-believer.
So, how does one coach for results? Simple. First, begin with a blank slate. No pre-judgments, or preconceived ideas, just an open mind and the willingness to do or ask whatever it takes to create a belief in the mind of the other person. Then a strong belief in the other person that they can succeed is crucial. Next, have a direction or an idea of what the other person is capable of or where you want them to go as well as the ability to create that same picture in the mind of the other person. Most important though, is trust. Without it, you will never win the heart or mind or actions of the other person. When you believe in the other person and show it by being genuine and sincere, you can rise to a level that would be incomprehensible without it. Finally, the ability to ask the right questions is needed if you are to create change. I learned long ago from Dr. Earl Taylor, a very capable person in the personal development business, that, when coaching, you never tell anyone anything that you can ask them. Our goal is to ask the questions that are needed to interrupt the person’s current level of thinking towards a more enlightened one.
It’s so easy in life to hide behind our habits and our, “I’ve always done it this way” behaviours. Take a risk this week. Look closely at yourself and decide what needs to be changed or improved that will lead you to more personal success. Dare to remove the layers of yourself that are not working like they should, and when you do, you will see possibilities within yourself that you never dreamed were there.
We often run from our challenges in life and we hide behind our masks, but I’m here to tell you, that sometime, after a lifetime of running and hiding, we will get tired of it all and discover a new motivation for moving forward. Be it personal happiness, reduced stress, life enjoyment, enthusiasm or being more confident in what we do, we can’t stand still and hope ourselves into a better life, we need to create it for ourselves through action.
Make this your best week ever!
A Bit about me...
My vision is quite simple: to make an impact on the lives of the people who have been entrusted to me: You (for reading this article), my family and my clients.
I coach people. Direct, practical, innovative, meaningful.
I coach for excellence.
I love what I do... and so do my clients.
Over the years I've noticed that business coaching that was supposed to make us stronger actually took away our confidence and made us doubt ourselves. Confidence and people skills aren't developed just by measuring and planning everything, they grow through doing and learning from experience and by taking risks. People want to make a difference. Build teams. Be better understood. Live more confidently.
I founded IBC Impact Business Communication Inc. to create a world where business people communicate and act with confidence to create better worlds for themselves. Worlds where they feel powerful and free to express themselves. Worlds where something as simple as conversation creates energy, understanding and impact. Worlds so exquisite, I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
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