I am Mr. President.
Saturday, November the 12th, 2016. 1500 Hours.
Just a little over 72 hours since I won the Presidential elections of the United States of America, 2016. Everyone now calls me the 'President-elect' and, well, I've deserved it. I've worked hard, I've won hearts, I've won people, I wish to see my country as the greatest in the world, I have the desire, passion and now authority to bring about the ultimate change America needs to see in 2016. the world may be shocked, people may hate me, but I don't honestly care the least bit about all these, they happen every single day. I, Donald John Trump am here to 'Make America Great Again'.
How must I introduce myself to people who don't know me? Wait. Shut up. Everyone knows me. I'm going to be the 45th President of the United States. On January 20th, 2017, I'm to head straight to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and am to oath "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States". How must I explain how elated I feel writing this, I am going to be, Number 1 in the Forbes List of "The most Powerful people in the world". Even Obama is in Number three. Such a shame. He's already two points short of making America great. I am to fill in this shortcoming.
I simply fail to understand why people simply cannot accept the fact that I'm going to be their next President? Even my opponent Hillary Clinton in her concession speech made it extremely clear, in one sentence. When your secretary of state tells you to stop whining, You. Stop. Whining. Unless you're that British comedian John Oliver. Man that guy just wouldn't stop talking, and why do people even listen to him? I'll tell you, I'm going to be the President and I'll ban his show, or at least appoint Schwarzenegger as my White House Chief of Staff and make him sit next to the English as he talks. But most of all, what's with all the immigrants? All of a sudden there's protests on the streets, chaos beneath my 24-carat gold made Trump Tower(oh and by the way, that's a no fly zone now so you shouldn't even dream about it), stupid people cannot accept that I'll be their President. Okay, don't listen to me. At least listen to your Democratic Diabolical President Barack Obama. He addressed the nation about his peaceful transition of power. He, your leader is in such a peace then why couldn't you?
Even then, let me tell you about what you all are to see in the coming 4 years. Although I've made all my points perfectly clear in all the campaigns, and given that I've also won 278 electoral votes I expect everyone to know my thing. Even then, this below is your future:
• First of all, I need to call up my brother Putin and ask him to handover Snowden which, he'll absolutely agree to. I've dealt with Russia before and we get along very well, much like Tom & Jerry just that the Russians don't like Cheese much! Either way, He'd never keep Snowden in Russia. He hates Obama, he disrespects Obama and, Snowden is living the life! I'll ask Putin, he'll say yes. Poof. Snowden is gone.
• Oh yes The Wall, The Wall, Americans not The Vow. I'm not a romantic, although Rachel McAdams is one hot mess, but we're dealing with Tango & Chillies here. The Mexicans! Yes, I'm going to build that wall and Mexico's going to pay for it. Neat.
• I'm President. You're all going to see 'Merry Christmas' in department stores. Maybe I'll even put Miley Cyrus as Santa in there. Let's see. I'm going to knock the hell out of the Oil Areas, build a safe zone in Syria. Let's fund them and help them fund themselves!
• Listen to me carefully, very very carefully you folk out there in Washington Post. Jeff Bezos owns you to have political influence and I got to tell you, we now have a different country we used to have! He wants political influence because he wants Amazon to benefit from it. Well, now I'm President and god save you, seriously. Write one, just one bad article and we're going to sue you for real, we're going to take all your money and leave you whimpering! New York Times, you too!
• Islam hates us. Islam hates America and Clinton won't even mention the term 'Radical Islamic Terror', she's just in the bygone era saying the muslims have been a part of America since when Washington was our president. 15 years since 9/11 and she still won't learn and so won't the liberals. Absolutely no muslim immigrants. Show me, with proof that they don't hate America and I'll give you a Pulitzer. I'll introduce stricter vetting. I want no single illegal immigrant in the United States of America. I'm the President. My word is final (If you're thinking not mine but the judiciary's is, don't worry we'll own them as well).
• I want surveillance on certain mosques. I will absolutely take database on the people coming in from Syria. Let me remind you, I told you earlier, If I win, they're going back.
• Some seriously beautiful construction all around America. Beautiful Bridges, Buildings, Roadways, Airports. Just imagine how beautiful it'll all look with my name on it. TRUMP. My name also rhymes with TRIUMPH. God bless you America you've just chosen the correct president and i'll never fail your expectations.
• Two words. Obamacare, Gone.
• I'm going to take jobs back from Japan, China, Mexico. I'm Donald Trump. I'm really going to buy the Chinese President a McDonald's hamburger, replace Free Trade by Fair Trade and bring the GDP up by at least 6%.
• Make America Great Again.
By the way, if you're seeing this sentence, I really want you to have an impact on what you've just read. Combine all you've read so far with my beautiful hairstyle and watch this video above. You'll surely love me, if you don't already yet which you absolutely without fail must have over these 18 months because I. am. here. to. make. America. great. again.