Running with the Bulls: The Unauthorized Story of beBee

I don't know if the deranged Spaniards depicted in this statue have names, but it would only be fitting if they were Javier and Juan, the founders of BeBee Affinity Network.

MADRID -- There's a couple of new kids on the block and they're becoming quite popular. The last I heard, they were making 25,000 new friends a day, adding to the more 10 million they made over the past year. Not bad for a couple of kids from Spain.

Spain? Who or what the hell ever came out of Spain that was any good? Two months ago, I couldn't have told you. Today, I can. It's a new social media platform called the beBee Affinity Network. I'd prefer to keep it between my friends and I, but the two guys who started it want to invite the whole damn world, and they've set their sights on the United States of America. My hometown. They've already established a beachhead in New York City. I hope they look me up when they reach Chicago.

From what I've been told, there's only two kinds of men in Spain, and both have a strange affinity for dodging bulls. One intentionally pisses them off by teasing them with a big red cape -- a color that really doesn't appeal to them. Once they've got the bulls snorting like a kettle ready to boil and charging at them like an NFL fullback, they try to dodge them. I think we'd all consider that rather macho, but, unless there's gambling involved, why the hell would you want to watch it? Simply dodging the bulls isn't enough, though. While bouncing around in brightly colored suits and hats that resemble those worn by Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse Club, they try to stab the bulls into submission with two sharp pencils. You know, like the really big ones you can buy at the fair. These guys are called matadors.They're studs.They can pretty much have their way with any woman in the country.

The other kind, well, they're a little different.They like teasing bulls, too. But their big thing is to gather all their buddies once a year, stand in the middle of downtown street, and wait for someone to release a herd of bulls, with nostrils flaring, in their direction. I don't know what they put at the other end of the street to attract these bulls, but they 'll stop at absolutely nothing to get to it. I guess they've been kept in solitary confinement and shown pictures of scantily clad female livestock. Boy, it's off to the races for these four-legged horn dogs. When these guys see the bulls coming, they turn around and run like hell. It's only natural, but I see no good reason to intentionally temp fate. Some of them get gored, which is when a bull rams its horns up some poor Spaniard's ass. These guys are called idiots. They only attract the local paramedics.

I don't know which kind best describes Javier Camara Rica or Juan Imaz, the masterminds behind the platform, but if they intend on taunting the American market, they'd better be matadors and not the other kind. Here's where I insert my favorite catch phrase, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it." Personally, I hope they do.

In case you were wondering, affinity networking connects users, called bees, with other users who have similar interests, which can be anything under the sun. They're not limited to interacting with users on a business level. The users can choose from categories of interest, called hives, that span the imagination. I'm a bee and I've connected with a college professor, a professional writer, and a business development specialist, by way of a common interest in the works of Bob Dylan.

The only bees you have to keep an eye on are from Canada, evidenced by the fact that they've recently turned an American to their dark side. They're called "Beezers," and they hold not-so-secret meetings to plot against Donald Trump via buzzes, which are what posts are called. I think they're more pissed off in regard to the sad state of affairs in the United States than the majority of Americans.

This has been a not-so-public service announcement to benefit beBee. The names were not changed to protect the innocent because there are none. I hope you got a chuckle out of reading it.