Do Women Really Need Men?

“It’s not about a piece of the existing pie, there are too many of us for that.” Gloria Steinem

I ask this knowing I’m a man and, like any man, I’m worried about our declining importance in this world. Have we outgrown our usefulness? Should we start planning the move to one gender? This is an important issue, and I’d like an answer before I start calling myself Dorothy.

I’ve given this a lot of thought, particularly after my publisher informed me I must direct my novels and articles more towards women. They represent over 75 percent of the book-buying public — and 100 percent of the colouring book-buying public.

Unfortunately, this has also been automated, which really leaves car detailing and cow tipping.

If women can corner the coloring book market, it stands to reason the next President of the United States should be a woman.

And isn’t it further proof that women don’t need men anymore?

In the very early stages of our existence, men made themselves useful by rubbing sticks together and getting fire. Since gas ranges have done away with rubbing sticks together, men should stop thinking they’re irreplaceable. Half of us can’t work a gas range, anyway.

As one psychologist pointed out, “Men’s last vestige of usefulness is shoving meat into tubes.” Unfortunately, this has also been automated, which really leaves car detailing and cow tipping.

Women have made amazing strides in the last ten years. With little more than a keyboard and a smartphone, they now dominate social media.

According to a Pew Study, well over half of all Facebook users are women. Sixteen percent comment on posts several times a day (compared to only eight percent of men).

In fact, driver’s license applications are declining for men while increasing for women.

Women are simply out-reading, out-chatting, and out-commenting their male counterparts, while still raising families, earning black belts and taking Master’s degrees, all within driving distance of their gynocologists.

In fact, driver’s license applications are declining for men while increasing for women. Men are giving up their cars, leaving women to take to the roads — and boardrooms — with more aggression and authority than ever before.

Women also account for 80 percent of car-buying decisions. They showed this power recently by giving a thumb’s down to electric cars in Britain, fearing electrocution. As one women pointed out: “It rains a lot here.”

It can’t be our company. Women prefer women’s company (60 percent said they’d rather talk to a woman).

Which brings us back to men. What good are they today?

Fertilization has been solved with sperm banks. If every male made even a small contribution (which they do most days, anyway), an ample supply could be kept in cryogenic containers, each labeled by height, eye color and ability to shut up.

So what’s keeping the female population from putting us in space shuttles, and sending us to another planet?

It can’t be our company. Women prefer women’s company (60 percent said they’d rather talk to a woman).

It can’t be we’re any good in bed (40 percent said we’re not).

One professor, Richard Lynn, concluded from what he called “a lifetime of academic research” that women need men for one purpose: brains. Rather than calling men “brainy,” he preferred to call males “aggressive brains.”

Women aren’t big on leaving this planet. That’s why only ten percent of science professors are women.

It seems aggressive brains fulfill an interesting purpose, which goes back to us figuring out how to kill a big animal with a sharp stick.

That eventually translated into science where men used their “aggressive brains” to figure out how to get off this planet. Women aren’t big on leaving this planet. That’s why only ten percent of science professors are women.

Professor Lynn also pointed out that women are scoring better in school on IQ tests simply because of the exams themselves. With the emphasis on course work, the education system rewards diligence over intelligence.

Since “aggressive brains” are all we’ve got, men might be the next species on the endangered list.

Companies are taking note of this, too. Diligence is now seen as far more valuable than “aggressive brains.” Teamwork is rewarded whereas singular thinking isn’t. Some organizations are even incentivizing teamwork, giving bigger bonuses to consensus builders and less to “aggressive brains.”

Since “aggressive brains” are all we’ve got, men might be the next species on the endangered list. We’re already losing out to women in positions of authority. Today, over 50 percent of managers are women, and two of the top social media companies have women CEOs.

This doesn’t necessarily mean men are on the way out, but our usefulness — particularly our “aggressive brains” — is becoming like coal. It’ll be used until cleaner and more affordable alternatives are found. At which time, women will be saying “Why did we need men in the first place?”

In anticipation of that day — which isn’t far off — I think I’ll start calling myself Dorothy. I want to do is keep as low a profile as possible. Especially if women decide to put us all out on fertility farms. Unless it’s a nice place with colouring books.

Then I’m willing to do my bit.

On Nov 20th-24th, I’ll be a featured guest author at Clonmel Castle, for their “Writers At the Castle” workshop retreats. This is 5 days (4 nights) of learning, discussing and writing humour in a 90-year-old Georgian Revival retreat, in Port Dover, Ontario, Canada. All skills welcome. All inclusive. All credit cards accepted. Please book by Oct 30th so we know the numbers. For more information, email host Lynneee Steffler at: clonmelcastle@gmail.com or call: 1–519-583-0519

Robert Cormack is a freelance copywriter, novelist and blogger. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online and at most major bookstores. For more details, go to Yucca Publishing or Skyhorse Press.