Gerda and the Pirates.

From my yet-to-be published children's book "Life As a Bean"

Gerda had the pirates over for tea
There was Blackbeard, Bluebeard and Jean Lafitte
They sat in the parlor, their hats on their knees
While Gerda made crumpets with jam and cheese

Blackbeard sipped with his pinkie up
Bluebeard slurped but not too much
Lafitte was courteous but tended to curse
When the crumpets were served—he grabbed his first

Blackbeard stared at him, cold as ice
Sayin’, “Bucko, I tell you, that’s not very nice
You pass to the left and take yours last
Show some manners—or that crumpet’s your last”

Lafitte just growled and let out a curse
Lickin’ his fingers, he said, “Do yur worst”
He eyed ol’ Blackbeard who eyed him right back
Then Blackbeard said, “I might just do that”

Next thing you know, in the blink of an eye
Flintlocks were drawn from every side
With barrels raised they stepped back and swore
They’d fight to the death, then maybe some more

Flintlocks boomed, cutlasses slashed
A musket ball barely missed Gerda’s old cat
Out through the parlor they parried and thrust
Filled with blind fury and a bunch of bloodlust

Poor Gerda watched with terror and fright
She’d never seen such a horrible sight
With hands in the air, she cried out “You jerks!
Look at my china. You broke the works!”

She stormed upstairs in an awful huff
Takin’ her cat and her last tea cup
Blackbeard was sullen, Bluebeard was blue
They cursed each other for the state of the room

They felt so ashamed, till Lafitte said, “Mates—
If it bugs you so much, let’s clean up this place”
So they got out a mop and an old stable broom
And cleaned up what was left of Gerda’s room

They bought new china nd curtains with lace
You might say they really did a job on the place
Well, Gerda came down, she said, “Oh, my!
I never expected this out of you guys”

There was her parlor, shiny and clean
Even the old piano had a nice sheen
“Boys,” said Gerda, “Thanks a bunch
Now why don’t I fix you a nice box lunch

She gave each pirate a thermos of tea
And a bag full of crumpets to take out to sea
But just as the pirates were startin’ to leave
Lafitte caught his gun on Blackbeard’s sleeve

Grabbin’ his dagger, Blackbeard gave him a look
Said, “If yur lookin’ for trouble, that’s fine in my book”
All-of-a-sudden, cutlasses were drawn
They ended up fightin’ out on the lawn

Cuttin’ and slashin’, swearin’ and smashin’
Down the street, the pirates went crashin’
Well, Gerda never saw those pirates again
They’re all back sailin’ The Spanish Main

But pirates bein’ pirates, they never forget
So this little story, well, it ain’t over yet

An emerald arrived from down in Brazil
Surrounded by rubies and sapphires and pearls
With a little note sayin’ “Thanks for the tea”
From Blackbeard, Bluebeard and Jean Lafitte.

© Copywriter by Robert Cormack