Rowan Quinn Leigh en Self-Improvement, Knowledge Lovers (Every Bee's Hive) Alternative Therapist • Patchwork Soul 11/1/2019 · 1 min de lectura · +500

Look into My Eyes?

The eyes are said to be the 'windows to the soul', and one of the frequently mentioned body parts of those who are in love. We're bombarded with literature on the importance of 'eye contact', and I've heard many people stating that a lack of eye contact between a mother and a child indicates serious problems. But is there truth to any of these not-so-subliminal-messages?

Apparently not!

I normally give plenty of eye contact. I am one of those who relies on 'what I see' in the eyes of another. I even make a point of giving the cashier eye contact when saying thank you as they put the change in my hand. I too, am one of those who gives the eyes importance, more importance than I probably should.

I had reason to look more closely at eye contact and what it did and did not do. I had a rude awakening that it did not transmit a magically infused beam of whatevers to the looked upon...eye contact does not create an emotional bond, although it is true that we are more likely to give eye contact to those we care about.

All those hours you spend eye gazing in the early days of a relationship are doing nothing to increase the bond...and now I wonder if we give more eye contact because we're trying to imply there is a bond, a case of fake it til you make it...or maybe we're just enjoying that we have the undivided attention of another human and the loved up feeling we get from it is actually no more than a narcissistic feeding frenzy?

The parent/child bond is not secured with loving eyes either....blind mothers are perfectly able to create a loving bond with their children, as are the seeing mothers of blind babies - something I had never given a thought to. Although, eye contact may be more important to those who are unable to use their voice, and those who can't hear...but I would imagine that touch plays a significant part too.

What I did learn is that it's usually adults who use eye contact to add emotional weight to their message. It's the ones doing the talking who need it, and it's more than likely stemming from insecurity if they're at all obsessive about it. Has anyone ever demanded you look at them whilst they're speaking to you? What's that all about?

The long and short of it is, eye contact is something we learn and not necessary at all when it comes to forming an emotional bond. And that should be obvious when there are people who form attachments to others who they never see, as is the case with long distance relationships and online friendships.

Art by Vineet Radhakrishnan

Look into My Eyes?


I always look int the eyes, and dont sleep with the fishes, see Saprano's!!

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Rowan Quinn Leigh Hace 6 d · #5

#3 I had an excellent article by a child psychologist but no longer have it on my favourites (changed laptops). If I manage to find it I will post the link.

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Eye contact, while conversing with another, gives me the impression that person is listening to what I am saying.

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Lada 🏡 Prkic Hace 7 d · #3

Rowan, the topic of your post got me thinking. I also think that eye contact is essential in communication, and don't feel comfortable with people who talk to me without at least occasional eye contact. Perhaps it's because we are taught that it is not socially acceptable behaviour which shows disrespect to the interlocutor. But some people I know find it difficult to look into another person’s eyes while conversing and it's not because they are rude or disrespectful.
Your post made me think about eye contact as a mean of bonding between mother and child because I never thought of a situation where a mother or baby is blind and how it affects a baby development without eye-locking. This topic forced me to search for additional study that shows that nature took care for everything and such babies find other ways to bond with their mothers.

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Hey Rowan! Neat buzz!

Am sure we have all heard someone say ruefully - "'Damn! he/she didn't even look at me!'' ;) ...or...''Oh, I see..." They do say a lot, don't they?

Eyes are one of the five senses. Very key. Very crucial. For both observation and expression. Gazing at someone may add weight and lend credence to what one is trying to communicate; and also assure the speaker that the listener is paying attention. A long hard look, a furtive glance, a sneak peek, a smouldering gaze, an innocent blink, a discreet wink. etc., - they do say and convey a lot, and have the potential to trigger something instantaneous (good, thrilling, ugly) if you are ready for it!

By reading the pupil size, it is possible to gauge emotion and intensity I hear. By studying the iris-sclera boundary there are folks who can estimate your longevity and health; but just about anybody can get a whiff of your mind-set or mood/intent just by looking at your eyes - if you care to remove your sunglasses for the moment that is! ;)

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Ken Boddie Hace 7 d · #1

There’s no doubt in my experience, Rowan, that eye contact is a powerful and essential communication tool. It is important to convey confidence and credibility in the service industry and also as a polite acknowledgement accompanying a thank you, conveying a personal and memirable link to an otherwise potentially impersonal and forgettable transaction. I also understand, from motoring institutions, that eye contact is a subliminal conveyor that one motorist has sighted another, particularly at intersections. Should there ever be debate on “Eye contact- yes or no?” then the ‘eyes’ have it every time. 🤗

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