My dog and the rabbit

So I woke up My dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbour's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. 

So, I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbours could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. 

I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbours screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? 

They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

A few puns make me numb, but math puns make me number

My friend David has is id stolen, now he is only Dave

And FINALLY

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate.

So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn’t believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

“What’s going on here?’

‘My car has a flat tire,’ I said calmly.

‘Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?’

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. So I told him,

‘Hell000000, those are my emergency flashers