Royce Shook

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Regrets of the dying

Regrets of the dying

I recently came across an article titled “Regrets of the Dying.” It was written in 2009 by someone who worked for many years in palliative care, i.e., caring for those who have gone home to die. As death approached, many of her patients expressed themselves freely about their regrets and other “wish I had done that” issues. This is a form of self-realization and growth for these people. Sadly, because that growth arrived on their deathbeds, it was too late for them to benefit. We can benefit, however. The author lists five common themes among the death bed regrets expressed by her many patients:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Here are my thoughts on the above

Regret No. 1 – living your own life, not the life expected of you – is so critical. The issue is that for many of us we do not take the time to understand what we expect from ourselves, so we take the easy way out and conform to what others want us to do. The hardest part is taking the time to understand what we want and to do that we have to spend time getting to know what motivates us, and this is not easy to do, but it is well worth the struggle.

Regret No. 2 – working too hard – was apparently unanimous among the male patients. I was struggling with this issue, I have been a workaholic all my life and find that now I am struggling with the idea of enjoying doing nothing. The concept of relaxation is coming slowly to me and I hope within the next six years I will be embracing this idea fully.

Regret No. 4 – keeping in touch with friends –Staying in touch is hard but I am slowly using social media with the goal of reconnecting with old friends and to keep in touch with family. The use of social media makes this task easier and more rewarding. I recommend using social media to start with reconnecting to old friends and to my family. It does work.

Regret No 5 -- letting yourself be happier -- Many of us do not realise that happiness is a choice. Fear of change, pleasing others and the general habits and patterns we form in life prevent many of us finding happiness. Life is about choices. It is your life. Choose happiness.

Here is a link to the full article on the regrets of the dying. I encourage you to read and think about it.

So what are you doing to minimise death bed regrets?


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Comments

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #1

thinking about it

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