Some senior humour, for the young at heart
Who says senior citizens don't wear stylish clothes?
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON.OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
A short neurological test
1- Find the C below. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOO 0
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
6999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM M
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
Congratulations!
Oh, one more test Find the 44th USA President.
Well, congratulations, you're not colour blind either!
When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in a modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dashboard but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do toot a lot.." P.S. I know some of you are not over 60. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The tv remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.
Did You Know?
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND-AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
and MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AIDS TO THEIR KIDS!
Articles from Royce Shook
View blogMy thanks to Walter and his sense of "old" humour for these · 'OLD' IS WHEN... · Your sweetie says · ...
After retiring, the daily grind of commuting, meeting deadlines, working for a demanding boss, and a ...
Ah, retirement. The time in life when you can finally ditch that 9 to 5 grind and start living it up ...
Related professionals
You may be interested in these jobs
-
Operations Manager
2 days ago
Direct apply
Rath Eastlink Community Centre Truro, CanadaPosition Summary · Reporting to the Director of Operations, the Operations Manager is responsible to provide leadership to Facility Operators and Custodial Staff to ensure a welcoming atmosphere for RECC members, guests and staff through maintaining the equipment and systems with ...
-
Sales Associate
16 hours ago
Direct apply
Sunglass Hut Richmond, Canada**Requisition ID**:839239 · **Store #**: Sunglass Hut · **Position**:Casual Part-Time · **Total Rewards**:Benefits/Incentive Information** · Sunglass Hut is a global leader in the sale of premium sunglasses with over 1600 retail stores across North America. By joining our team yo ...
-
Health & Safety Advisor - Safety
16 hours ago
Direct apply
Toro Group of Companies Vaughan, CanadaJOB SUMMARY · Ensures Occupational Health and Safety (OHS) systems comply with company policies and procedures. Implements and support OHS programs and work towards continual improvement. · MAJOR RESPONSIBILITIES / ACCOUNTABILITIES · **Health & Safety**: · - Ensures all safety po ...
Comments
Royce Shook
6 years ago #3
Thank you, John, my memory aid did fail me
John Rylance
6 years ago #2
Royce Shook
6 years ago #1
Sorry about that Brian, my elder brain kicked in, I meant to say over 60, not over 50. But just think of the senior discounts you are missing. By the way, in most areas, those over 55 can apply for or receive senior discounts