Royce Shook in Lifestyle, beBee in English, Healthy Living President • The Wilson Centre Seniors Advisory Association Sep 10, 2020 · 1 min read · +300

The middle wife

The following was written by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher and shows how children see the world and how teachers capture memories every day in their class rooms.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model air planes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-centre, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

The middle wife

Royce Shook Sep 12, 2020 · #7

Thanks for the comments I loved the story and I love the slant put on by the readers.

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Paul Walters Sep 12, 2020 · #6

#1 Oh ken only you could come up with a phrase like that !!

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Paul Walters Sep 12, 2020 · #5

A brilliant story for these rather sombre times. Thanks, Royce

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Ken Boddie Sep 12, 2020 · #4

#2 I think you're pulling my paw, @John Rylance.
Why would St Bernie give Barry some brandy? Surely it'd make him sick as a dog?

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Greg Rolfe Sep 11, 2020 · #3

That was well worth the read! Thank you Royce.

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John Rylance Sep 11, 2020 · #2

#1 Did it have a barrel of brandy for the expectant father round its neck?
Were you aware the first St Bernard rescue dog was called Barry?

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Ken Boddie Sep 10, 2020 · #1

“Out of the mouths of babes” ... hilarious. 😂
Reminds of the description that childbirth is like watching a wet St Bernard coming through the cat flap.

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