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PD Scullin 22 h ago · 1 min read

God Tells Trump To Go To Hell

Almighty God doesn't usually give interviews. He lets his actions and "natural disasters" speak. But last night, He reached out to The Lint Screen in an exclusive interview. "I'm a pretty mellow Guy," God said. "But I've had My fill of that horse's ass…

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PD Scullin 2 d ago · 1 min read

JARED PUT IN CHARGE OF RACE RELATIONS IN AMERICA

Donald Trump is disturbed by some of the images he has seen on cable news. “It looks like some people are upset,” the president, sequestered in his fortified bunker deep beneath the White House, told The Lint Screen . “I don’t know how anyone could b…

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PD Scullin 6 d ago · 1 min read

TRUMP FIRES MEDICAL SCIENCE, WILL RELY ON “MY BRAIN AND GUT TO KEEP AMERICANS HEALTHY”

President Trump loves America, and he is disappointed medical science has failed its citizens. “All these so-called experts are big phonies,” Trump told The Lint Screen . “I listened to Dr. Fauci and all his stupid eggheads. And what happened? Now we ha…

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PD Scullin May 25, 2020 · 1 min read

PREZ RECALLS “TREMENDOUS HEARTBREAK” OF MISSED HOLE-IN-ONE

This Memorial Day weekend, as COVID-19 ravages America , and people remember fallen heroes and those who bravely fought for our freedom, President Donald J. Trump grappled with his troubles–– the one that might have been. Trump, who made America great aga…

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PD Scullin May 22, 2020 · 1 min read

TRUMP DEMANDS AMERICANS WORSHIP HIM THIS WEEKEND

President Donald Trump has been called The Chosen One, and like Moses returning from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments, he has decreed it is time his people return to places of worship. “We can’t allow this pandemic cause us to lose our faith,” Trump…

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PD Scullin May 19, 2020 · 1 min read

TRUMP BLOWS THE LID OFF OBAMAGATE; CLAIMS SQUIRRELS WERE SPYING ON HIM

Donald J. Trump has always been known as a genteel gentleman, a mild-mannered man of principle, and the utmost integrity–– but now the gloves are off–– it’s no more mister nice guy! The president spoke with The Lint Screen today and unveiled some of t…

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PD Scullin May 14, 2020 · 1 min read

Barr Declares "Friend of The President" Law

Atty. General William Barr knows his justice, and he also knows which cheek of the president's ample ass is buttered. Today, Barr declared a new law he's written "offering complete immunity from American laws to friends, family, and associates of Donald…

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PD Scullin May 12, 2020 · 1 min read

MCCONNELL VOWS TO “OPEN A CAN OF WHOOP-ASS” ON OBAMA

Sen. Mitch McConnell is known for being one chill dude ( “don’t bogart that blunt, bitch” is his common refrain in Senate chambers), but former President Barack Obama has got his dander up. “That black guy needs to learn to learn how to shut his pie hol…

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