Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

7 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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I, You, We, and Me

I, You, We, and Me

hi, Sie of Life

7; You, We, Me


I went to physical therapy yesterday. I met Shira, a very competent professional. As we were working on my hands, I began to recount my experiences as a child, and she said, “I don’t want to hear it.”

I told her five children die every day from parental abuse and that was the particular brick wall I was up against. I recount my experiences to accentuate the plight of children today, and you don’t want to hear about it—there is no we. We could do something to alleviate the plight of children today, but as long as we remain you and I, nothing will get done. We are a force.

I stopped for breakfast at a local diner after PT. My waitress was Liza. I told her I was a blogger and I was thinking of doing a blurb on I, You, We. She brightened as she immediately grasped my drift. I don’t remember her exact words, but the gist of it was that she tried to make suggestions to administration minions regarding positive changes for issues regarding her tin can (Her term of endearment for her place of employment.) She became afraid.

“I love this tin can, “ she said.

She was speaking of the diner I was sitting in, which was run by a local college.

“I’m afraid of losing it.”

She becomes the I proposing changes; minions at the college don’t want to hear it—the collective you; we does not exist for Liza. If you promote risk, it's a problem.

Robert Cormack’s post Why Ideas Die In the Boardroom keeps invading my mind. Its appeal is relentless. He writes:

“A few years back, one “innovation group,” wrote that companies should include “black sheep” in their meetings. “These people will force new ideas and inject creativity,” they said. Some companies did just that, regretting it afterward. The “groupies” as I like to call them, didn’t like “black sheep” or new ideas and voiced their concerns to management. The “black sheep” were fired, and the groupies went back to “consensus building.””

You can read the whole post here: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@robert-cormack/why-ideas-die-in-the-boardroom I suggest you do.

I suspect Liza and I are those black sheep. We are somewhat expert on our topics. I can spout you the facts and figures on child abuse and deaths, and Liza knows well the inner workings of her tin can.

But I rail against my suspicion in that only a certain bottom line is considered, and I believe that to be monetary. It would cost money to cut down the number of child deaths.

Liza knows of issues that should be changed regarding her beloved tin can. I don’t know the details, but I suspect her ideas would involve investment.

I think groupthink looks at the immediate bottom line, whereas the Black Sheep look at change as an investment. My oldest son surely was looked at as a throwaway. But with investment, he became an asset.

Groupthink—the collective you—promotes the bottom line. There are parameters set as to how far they will go. They promote norms for the unthinkable. There are sacrifices to be made for these norms. Some of those sacrifices are human beings.

Are we any different than those cultures that actively sacrificed victims to their Gods? We wear business suits and attire and say this makes us different. Is not withholding investment the same as plunging in the knife or throwing someone into a volcano? Or is it the lack of proximity to the result that soothes us into saying say it ain’t so.

In Liza’s case, it was apparent she feared the demise of her diner. Not a bloody human death, but a death all the same. I could see she wants to scream for the changes she knows should be made, but I could also see she fears for her job if she does so. So she sacrifices the future to maintain her todays. She fears becoming a sacrifice.

When did we start sacrificing WE?  The answer is always. Human Beings are pack animals regardless of the clothes in which we adorn ourselves. Alpha bitches and dogs destroy the young of lessers to promote their own young. WE are no different. Dissenters are outcasts—doomed to either capitulate or roam alone.

I say we slash the pronouns I, you, and me. Let’s live in a world of an inclusive WE and fuck the monetary bottom line. Let’s evolve beyond being pack animals and strive for the betterment of all rather than the chosen few. Let’s learn to think for ourselves instead of acting like cows being driven to the trough. Let’s not lose ourselves to the slaughterhouse of ideas and societal innovation. WE can get better.


Copyright 2017 Joyce Bowen

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About the Author:  Joyce Bowen is a freelance writer and public speaker.  Inquiries can be made at crwriter@comcast.net

Sobre el autor: Joyce Bowen es un escritor independiente y orador pĂșblico. Las consultas pueden hacerse en crwriter@comcast.net



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Comments

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #31

This is a strong statement, "but as long as we remain you and I, nothing will get done. We are a force." I couldn't agree more! You made a great point about groupthink and it's dangerous as well. I hope one day humanity become more of a "We" based society instead of, "I."

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #30

Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen delivers the line of the century;-) "Let’s live in a world of an inclusive WE and fuck the monetary bottom line!"

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #29

#37
Oh...Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange is very busy making honey of her own...But rest assured, she always has an eye on the hives;-)

Lisa Vanderburg

7 years ago #28

#30
Part 2: CityVP 🐝 Manjit so rightly says, this is a Pandora's box which has grown so toxic, to open it becomes harder and harder (thank you CityVP is I was the Lisa you mentioned)! 'You were shut down by a 'professional.' That indicates fear....it's paralysing.' Cyndi wilkins says; damn true!! So many great thoughts... Everyone has made such thoughtful comments Joyce 🐝 Bowen - possibly the most successful way to start a process of change? Brave woman! Where's Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange...?

Lisa Vanderburg

7 years ago #27

#30
Part 1: Wow...I'm humbled Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen explores the idea of prevention-at-source byring or testing potential parents. I think the 'resistance' you feel Deb is maybe introducing would-be parents the concept of fearful anticipation (which threatens natural bonding), where in natural settings, it would be joy? Dunno, but it'ng I haven't thor; perhaps like driving classes at high school, a mandatory class on just hto ruin a perfectly good child, but without the fatality pics?
#34
Naaaw--she explained that she had a 7-month-old and did not want to even think things could happen to someone that young. She said he was her buddy. I understand.

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #25

#29
Here I am in the company of great courageous people, and so Lisa and Joyce, the power of just you two alone means one plus one equals eleven.
#29
Lisa Vanderburg I hear you back. Both my parents were psychopaths. People don't understand what psychopath means unless you say, "Jeffrey Dahmer," or "Ted Bundy." People don't understand that psychopaths have children and they are often their littlest victims. I feel for you, and understand that need for connection that is so lost when seeking it from such a parent. I followed through to my degree in psychology before I understood. I think psychopaths should be sterilized, but that's just me.

Lisa Vanderburg

7 years ago #23

I hear you Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen. I hear that awful loneliness that comes from this festering wound for so long. I know it well, and I have pretty much given up trying to 'explain' things so others may understand - they won't. That's the trouble with childhood abuse and its after-math, everyone's is different to them (at least), because they were CHILDREN when it happened and adults when they've had to learn to live with it - or not. I've realized two things: 1. My abuser was a charming, highly intelligent psychopath. That's why when I left home at age 16, I told a couple of childhood friends, they didn't believe me. All my siblings experienced the same thing. It was stunning and made me question myself. 2. The trouble with secrets is that the listener either feels they have to 'do' something about it, or they chose not to believe you. For me, I know I'm broken. Some of the ladies here know me - good wimmin! But for the life of me (and because my eldest sister killed herself AFTER she seemed so much better (with her shrink), so I can't trust that anyone can 'fix' me. But I live with it.... You're one brave woman - more courage than I!

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #22

#23
I'm very sorry to hear that...especially for a therapist that is supposed to understand such a debilitating condition as MS...but I will leave it to you to decide who best suits your needs;-) I'd love to meet for whatever is convenient for you...Give me a shout when it works for you and I will make it work for me;-) I will PM you with my email;-)

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #21

Diversity results in healthy evolution of organisations but this means opening the locked gates of change resistance
I'm always happy when a post sparks so much comment even if it is to point out faults with it. Thank you for all your wonderful observations.
#18
Actually, I only let myself be mad for a split second. I put her in a small cage only to allow me to move Sarah, at which point she had only killed 2; but she was so smart, she got out and killed a third pup. I immediately chalked her actions up to Nature, and vowed not to hold her accountable. And I didn't.
#20
It was that diner, Cyndi! I'd be pleased to meet for lunch or dinner. The therapist has a very good mind and understands MS. I've seen her reaction before in others.

Helena Jansen van Vuuren

7 years ago #17

#10
Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich love your responses....can talk a hindleg off a donkey but writing is not my forte....often read and have a gut feel for a response but not the tools or is it word tools....

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #16

You were shut down by a 'professional.' That indicates fear...and as Deb mentioned, fear is paralyzing. Please find another therapist.. BTW...I know you live in my neck of the woods here...Were you perhaps at the Salem Diner? I love that tin can! Maybe we could meet for breakfast or lunch sometime;-).

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #15

"Let’s evolve beyond being pack animals and strive for the betterment of all rather than the chosen few. Let’s learn to think for ourselves instead of acting like cows being driven to the trough. " We ,You and I. Its you and me who think like that. I am not sure about the We. If I advice a few poeple to Becareful of their children being abused. They are like " No way he's always around safe people. But once the media started showing reports on child abuse where parents of millennials had reported the same to the police. They get the awareness. So pretty much Either you fall or I'll fall only then They'll learn. This is the mentality of some people. Recently a girl punched a boy at school for unstrapping her bra and the management was against the girl for violence. The professor had watched this and did not intervene which means he enjoyed it and perhaps had some evil intentions. So she suggested at the meeting that he ( Professor) do the same the principal sitting at the desk and they we bewildered. Then the mom said to the boy "Come over here and let me touch the front of your trousers.” Everyone was like “What?! No!” Full story below : https://stuffhappens.us/boy-at-school-snapped-her-14307/

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #14

#16
Child abuse is an awful pandora's box and if we are too overwhelmed in opening it, it ironically keeps it that much more closed - but remember where much of this abuse originates is systemic and we are not free of that industrial cage - and we are not free from the selling of a pap and docile existence, and when I see the children in the documentary "Cries from Syria" - this pandora's box begins to open - and all of this overwhelms, and I have not even touched on the data and facts that people never see or worse, at least marginally think about. At least we hearing voices like yours and your fighting spirit to make a difference in this hidden pit of sorrows and hurt.
#15
I'm an old dog, and every year I torture myself with Child Maltreatment reports, sometimes trying to lay out data in a shorter form. 2015's is here. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/cm2015.pdf. It takes a long time to load. Note that it took them 2 years to produce it. The stats are frightening, and states can choose to not submit data.

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #12

You would think that in this image conscious and brand paranoid world young students would focus on public image, but a lot of them do not - instead of hearing stories that we think shapes personal brand, in a club meetings a lot of them talk about abuse they endured in their formative years, and in part they come to our club find confidence and move ahead, not at a brand level but at a life level. Grant it that the environment they present to is a trusted space but this is the chief difference between when I was at high school nearly 40 years ago and our time today. That gives me encouragement because the people who get away with being abusive, some of whom who live behind well crafted personal brands will find that this conversation is finding its voice among today's millennials and that is going to be the change - because a kid who is closed off is a kid those young people want to know about. It is still small scale action but it is becoming relevant. These kids are not broadcasting this is not groupthink, these kids are using transparency of technology to create private conversations, and they are engaging in conversations that matter. Of course the state of play today is still appalling but there is an emerging shift in these conversations - though of course it is not at a significant level or achieved anything close to a tipping point. When stats are shared https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse-statistics/ it is not groupthink but fact check for the brighter kids, which incredibly people twice their age still do not do. Of course I am talking about smart kids here, but I see hope in the way they are engaging in personal conversations in groups less than 10 people. These kids are learning this social reality through network effects. The problem of group-think is that it is media that leads it and marketers that thrive on it - until this systemic special interest is seen, progress is stifled.
#10
I extrapolated information I gleaned from my experience with my own dogs on to wolves and wrongly assumed their behavior would be the same. I bred Lhasa Apsos and loved all them dearly. I had 2 bitches give birth at once and one, who I assumed was dominent., worked insanely hard to destroy the more submissive girl's litter. She was successful in killing 3 pups, because Sarah would not defend her litter. Ironically, the remaining pups had to be hand-reared because Mom's milk was bad. One did die from her milk. Thumper's (the killer) pups all thrived.
#10
I stand corrected and enlightened.
Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich
Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

7 years ago #4

#3
and i we give space to the i, we have a better chance of being we :) You trigger some good thoughts. Thanks

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #3

fully agree yet it is difficult when the WE dont want to let the I breathe, very true in corporate world especially when clones are fear driven and ideas and feedback not that welcome after all, I was described as unorthodox in Microsoft but I am leaving in 4 weeks so they should be ok now ..... :-) everybody can be a force of proposition just bin the insitutionalized mentors and their policy, their overheated narrative is way too condescending :-)

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #2

Well done. The I, you, We and Me of real humans, real stories and real interactions. Open your eyes so that you may see. Open your ears so you may hear. Open your hearts so you may feel the compassion of and for humanity. Share in the joys of truly seeing, hearing, feeling and being human. Keep being that "black sheep" in making a difference.

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

7 years ago #1

Collective responsibility translates into addressing collective fears. They maybe genuine fears or conditioned fears. In an organisation they are organised as the risks and threats as well as the aggregate of social conditioning that lies beneath it all. In a society, the underlying fears swell and emerge where in very few instances in history have addressed this fear with an answer. Society simply doesnt allow everyone to be brave, courage translates into individual action which increases uncertainity, hence risk, hence fears. I see vested interests and fears in social classes, hiearchy, status and power etc but i dont see it with children. With children i feel it. What is the threat or fear associated with better lives of children? People in poverty want a better life for their own children but are pushed to a state of no options to survive.. where it is a question of survival, but what about people who have food and shelter.. why do children suffer there? There is no economic angle nor that of fear. Society wont care if we dont take care of our own. To be "we" that feeling has to emerge out of acceptance of "we" and not a rejection of "you" or "i". Not from a rejection of a corrupt system or society or corporate. But from accepting a responsibilty towards one another. Your writing really hits deep and it says do it now. I was just listening to Burden and i was thinking about your writings

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